As the Warlingham Club XV made their way onto the pitch to face Staines 2XV, even the roar of the crowd was drowned out by the rattle of undigested ibuprofen, writes Level 11 rugby enjoyer Gulliver Martin.

FINAL SCORE

Warlingham Club XV 31 - 24 Staines 2XV

Captain Lewis Hazeldine was noticeably furious with himself for losing the toss but consolation from the lads lifted his spirits. Warlingham received the kick off and despite an initial darting run from Fred Webzell, who would prove to be a constant irritant to the Staines massive, Warly found themselves soaking up the pressure in the early exchanges. Despite some Warly handling errors Staines’ efforts were thwarted with Mike Thompson et al dishing out some thunderous tackles and Alex Glover pulling the trigger on some monstrous exits.

No sooner had the standard 5-minute egg timer run its course on Nick Waterton’s initial involvement, tight head Sam Evans also made way and scrums became uncontested (much to the relief of Andy Elmes who slipped into the front row like an eel into a buttered bap). With Jack Porter on for Waterton and Mike Kennedy taking a break to sign autographs for fans believing him to be the Norse god Thor, the scene was set for the returning Mark Stevenson to hurl himself over the whitewash for the first score of the day. Tom Harris’ brash attempt to drop-kick the conversion was the stuff of nightmares, but it was nevertheless 5-0 Warly.

It’s always important to ‘go again’ after a try and it’s vital that everyone is reminded of this each time one is scored. To that end, Warly did just that. Webzell again caught the restart, jinking through the defence before slipping the inside pass to Glover who, not for the first time, proved he’s much quicker than you’d expect by rounding the last defender and tapping down under the posts. This time Harris wouldn’t let his unbridled eagerness get the better of him and waited for a tee before converting to make it 12-0.

Some delightful running from the backs led to Jonah’s brother, Noah Clay, scoring under the posts for Warly’s third. Another Harris conversion took the score to 19-0 at which point the crowd would be forgiven for thinking Warlingham were running away with it. Running away with it is exactly what Joe Kelly (Caellaigh) did moments later. For a man who can see the curvature of the earth, Mr Kelly effortlessly plucked the ball from an Elliot Jones line-out on Warlingham’s 5m line, darted this way and that through the entire Staines team before breezing down the rest of the length of the pitch and placing it down between the sticks. He was immediately rewarded with a little rest whilst the conversion was secured. 26-0 at half time.

The second half didn’t go all Warlingham’s way. It wouldn’t be a Warlingham 2nd XV game without Adam Downie-Keen making at least one high tackle and the team being guilty of some truly calamitous play. Noah’s brother, Jonah Clay, had to absorb one of the biggest hits of the day as the Staines numbers 4, 12 and 18 gradually found their feet and settled into the game.

Despite Jonah’s brother running over Glover (who had by now made a big-money mid-game transfer), Staines fought their way back to 26-24 with Adam Rowe sportingly joining their ranks. With two minutes to go, momentum was all with Staines and the crowd was on the edge of his seat. The opposition were desperate to secure one of the greatest comebacks Hamsey Green had ever seen however it was not to be…

Joe Kelly pounced on the opportunity to secure a turnover and subsequently bounded half the length of the pitch for the final try and cement his POTM award. The conversion on the other hand was a strong reminder that not everything needs to be successful to be memorable. It finished 31–24 Warly, and a double for our senior men. Hurrah!

All photos: Jay Singum
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